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Thursday, 5 August 2010
Weight freak out
I am freaking out. It is nearly 2am, and I just weighed myself (in my PJs), and I weighed 2lbs more than I did this morning. I do expect my middle of the night weigh in to be heavier, and with these PJs I would expect it to be 1 - 1.5lbs more than I will weigh in the morning, but that means that I will have gained at least half a pound tomorrow, probably a pound, and I am really upset. I haven't eaten that much today. More than I should have had, but I would have thought a maintaining type ammount, not a gaining type of ammount. I don't know what to do. It makes me want to hurt myself in some way. I hate myself for being such a disgusting greedy pig. I am revolting and hideous and I don't deserve to live. I don't know how I will go to ballet in the morning if I have gained weight. I hate myself so much. I want to die.
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
If you know me in real life, then please respect my wish for anonymity here.
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