By some minor miracle I hadn't gained weight today! I honestly can't describe what a relief it was when I got on the scales - I had just been hoping desperately that I wouldn't have gained too much, but actually my weight was a tiny weeny bit down from yesterday (only .2 of a pound) - not enough to call a loss, but I was just so relieved not to have gained. I waited until after 8 to eat my dinner last night, so that I wouldn't have much after. I am glad I did that instead of having it at 6, as I am sure that if I had eaten at 6 I would have had more to eat during the evening and then I would have gained weight today.
I hate living in fear of the scales like this. Every time I eat something I worry about how it will affect my weight - whether I will weigh more the next time I weigh myself, and how I will cope with it if I do. I have a dance class again tomorrow, so I will have the multiple meals in a day problem again - I feel much more comfortable when I don't really eat anything until the evening, or very little anyway, and tomorrow I will have to have breakfast again because of dance, and then it will all go wrong. It is stupid, but I wish that I wasn't dancing, because then I wouldn't have to eat until the evening, and that just feels so much safer and controlled at the moment. I am also not looking forward to it because of my hips being so painful today, but hopefully they will be a bit better tomorrow. It really hurts to walk today, which isn't much fun. The rest of me is just sore and achey from stretching, but the hip pain is different. Maybe dancing again will kind of loosen things up a bit. Or make it all worse. One or the other...
I got an audition for the concert that I had to record the audition song for, so that is good, but I have no idea what I am going to sing for the actual audition, as the song I had intended to sing if I got an audition is on the list of songs they are planning to include in the concert, so I can't really use that, and my second choice would have been the song I sung for the audition CD, but I have already used that, and my third choice is another one on their list they are using. It is quite hard finding audition songs at the moment, because of my voice being so unreliable and out of practice, so I wanted something that was a really strong song from an acting point of view, that isn't too rangey, in the hopes that it would show off the ok parts of my voice, and hide the bad parts, but am not feeling terribly inspired now that my first three choices are out!
Christmas love to you all
3 weeks ago