Today is going incredibly slowly. I have only been awake 2 and a half hours, and it feels like at least 5 times that. I don't know what to do with myself. And I hate feeling like this, because it makes me want to eat. I know I am not actually hungry, but when I am bored I think I am hungry, and at the moment I just want to eat. I want to wait until tonight, ie after 6 before I eat, but that is still over 2 hours away. I need to find something to do to stop myself thinking about food. My weight was down a bit again today - back to the same as it was 2 days ago. It really is like a yoyo. The overall pattern the last couple of months has been down, but it is so bloody slow, because I keep gaining back what I lose, or most of it. It is really frustrating. And I am just so terrified that whilst I am away I will gain back everything I have lost, as really this last month I have only lost about 4lbs, and it would be so easy to put that back on. I feel really angry and disappointed with myself for not having lost more. It makes me feel like a failure. If I added up everything I had lost it would be loads, but then other days I gain most of it back. It is ridiculous. I need to find a way to keep it coming off, rather than yoyoing up and down, or I am never going to lose a significant amount.
T is coming over later. I am not really in the mood to see anyone, I would rather have stayed in my pyjamas, but he has rehearsals tomorrow and Wednesday and then I am off to Cornwall the early hours of Friday morning. So anyway, he is coming over with DVDs again. Tomorrow I have a dance class in the morning (cue the eating issue yet again), and then I am seeing L in the afternoon.
It is now after 5, so I have managed to waste a fair bit of time writing this and pissing about on Facebook, so not toooo long until I can eat now....
Will I make it through?
1 week ago