I am so excited - I got into the concert that I audiitoned for! I am absolutely amazed I got in, I really was not expecting it at all. People applied from all over the country and only 12 people got in, and I am one of them - how insane is that?! I am not allowed to say anything on Facebook or anything yet, as some people who haven't got in won't get their rejection letters for a week or two, and so they don't want people finding out via Facebook status' etc, which is extrememely frustrating! There has been a private Facebook group created for the people who have been cast, and of the other 2 members in the group so far, one is from the other end of the country, which is pretty crazy because it shows how people must have just applied from everywhere, and the other has just graduated from a really good drama school, and is apparently really good (we have mutual friends, as I have several friends who have trained there, and it has always been my dream school). I just cannot believe that I got in. It is just so crazy. It makes me think I must not be as crap as I usually think I am, to have been cast in something as big as this. AND the icing on the cake, is that of the list of female songs that will be used in the concert I got the one that I would have picked first! I will be doing Nothing from A Chorus Line, which I sung at my audition, and I absolutely love. There are a couple of other songs on the list that would have been good, but none that I love quite as much as Nothing (Cabaret is a close second, and Sally Bowles would be my dream role overall, but as a concert song, rather than a song sung in the context of a musical I think Nothing is perfect). I am really excited and just amazed to have got in, and then to have got the song I would have chosen is just perfect. I can't explain on here why this concert is such a big deal, because it could give away my identity, but if anyone is curious/a theatre geek and wants to know then send me an email.
Right, onto negative stuff. Today has been atrocious food wise, and I am panicking big time. I went to the cinema with a friend tonight to see Toy Story 3 (very good, but I think 3D films make me feel a bit sick?!) and she wanted popcorn, and asked if I would share a big bag with her. I didn't like to say no, as she obviously wanted it, so I had loads of bloody popcorn, and I had already eaten as many calories today as I am comfortable with for a day's intake. Then I weighed at about midnight, and I was a pound heavier than I should have been if I were to maintain tomorrow, so I know I will have gained weight, and that is really bad. I also had a little freak out because my mum produced the bag of sweets she has bought for the car journey to Cornwall. It is ridiculous. There are 3 of us, and there are so many packets of sweets. When my mum is in the car she likes to eat constantly, and whilst ideally I would just say 'no thank you, I am not hungry', if somebody is eating something I like, or offers me something I like I can't say no, and so I will eat loads of sweets in the car on the way there, when I would normally still be asleep, since we leave at stupid o'clock in the morning, and then we will stop for lunch, and then obviously have dinner in the evening when we are down there etc. Food on holiday is already scaring me enormously and I haven't even left home yet. I have warned my mum that the scales are most definitely coming with me. She asked if I couldn't just relax on holiday and ignore it, but she didn't put up too much of a fight - probably because she knows it would be pretty futile. Although taking scales on holiday sounds a bit bad, I do genuinely think it will be better having them there than getting home and having an enormous freak out at my weight - I don't know what that would lead to, whereas at least if I have the scales to check on my weight, then I have some control over it, in that I can force myself to eat less if it is just getting too difficult to deal with, whereas if I don't know what I weigh I will just eat too much all week, gain a shit load of weight, come back and weigh myself, and have a complete breakdown. It isn't looking like beachwear is going to be an issue - the weather forecast is terrible. Which is kind of unfortunate, as apart from the beachwear issue, good weather is good as I am far more likely to be active and do lots of swimming in the sea and walking etc, which all burns calories, whereas if the weather is awful I will just sit around, and still eat as much, which obviously means more weight gain. Plus obviously it is just nice to have good weather when you are away! And I have bought a brand new wetsuit and snorkel which I want to use. Typically, the weather looks like it is going to get quite warm up here, although wet, but down in Cornwall it is a terrible forecast. Ahh, I am so scared about food whilst I am away. It is really freaking me out and upsetting me. I love Cornwall, but I just don't want to go right now. It is all too scary. Why do all foods that taste good have so many calories in them?!
Dear Mama, on uncertainty
1 week ago