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Tuesday, 21 September 2010
My sleep is not getting any better. I don't seem to be able to sleep before 6am, and then when I wake up I am exhausted regardless of how much sleep I have had. I am getting really fed up of feeling so completely drained all the time. Motivation levels are non existant. My hair really needs washing but I can't be bothered - that takes more energy than I have at the moment, so I just keep leaving it, and it gets worse. I fully intended to wash it today, but then I woke up absolutely knackered, and it seemed like an utterly pointless thing to do, so I didn't bother. Yet again I have no idea what I have done with the day. I vaguely remember watching Neighbours earlier, but I couldn't tell you what happened in it. I think that was probably the highlight of the day. Oh no, actually, getting on the scales and not gaining was the highlight of the day, as I was worried I might have gained a little. I am feeling increasingly zombified. Somehow I need to change something, because I can't keep going like this. I don't know how though. The suicidal thoughts are getting quite intense. I think maybe I need help, but I don't know who I can get it from with L away. And since nobody can make the thoughts go away, is there any point in even trying to get help anyway? Maybe it is better just to act on them. Telling someone how I am feeling isn't going to change anything, so it seems pretty futile. I am so tired.
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
If you know me in real life, then please respect my wish for anonymity here.
You are welcome to add me on Facebook - I am on there as Bippidee Mentalist, and on Twitter as bippidee86.