Friday, 10 September 2010
I am struggling a lot. L is going to be off for at least the next couple of weeks apparently. I can't imagine being able to get through that time. I am feeling really awful. I am trying to find things to keep going for. It is my Dad's birthday on Tuesday, so I am taking that as my goal to reach. After that maybe I will be able to find something else, or maybe I won't. I don't know. I don't really care at the moment either. I just know that everything feels too much - too big, too hard, too scary, and I don't know how to cope with it. I wish I could just erase myself from life. Make it so that I had never existed, so that I could disappear without upsetting people. That would be my one wish, if I could wish for anything. To just not exist. The song lyrics from yesterday feel so right at the moment. I am falling, fast, and the only person who can ever help to stop me from falling, or slow it down, isn't around. I just want to cry and cry, but I feel empty and numb.