IF YOU ARE ONE OF MY PARENTS AND HAVE FOUND THIS SITE, PLEASE DONOTREAD ANY FURTHER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. THIS BLOG IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME, AND HELPS ME A LOT, AND I REALLY NEED YOU TO RESPECT MY PRIVACY AND STAY AWAY FROM IT.
Friday, 10 September 2010
I am struggling a lot. L is going to be off for at least the next couple of weeks apparently. I can't imagine being able to get through that time. I am feeling really awful. I am trying to find things to keep going for. It is my Dad's birthday on Tuesday, so I am taking that as my goal to reach. After that maybe I will be able to find something else, or maybe I won't. I don't know. I don't really care at the moment either. I just know that everything feels too much - too big, too hard, too scary, and I don't know how to cope with it. I wish I could just erase myself from life. Make it so that I had never existed, so that I could disappear without upsetting people. That would be my one wish, if I could wish for anything. To just not exist. The song lyrics from yesterday feel so right at the moment. I am falling, fast, and the only person who can ever help to stop me from falling, or slow it down, isn't around. I just want to cry and cry, but I feel empty and numb.
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
If you know me in real life, then please respect my wish for anonymity here.
You are welcome to add me on Facebook - I am on there as Bippidee Mentalist, and on Twitter as bippidee86.