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Monday, 20 September 2010
Not quite with it
I seem to be pepetually exhausted at the moment. It doesn't matter how much sleep I get, I wake up feeling absolutely exhausted and completely drained. And then still can't get to sleep at night. I suppose it is just tiring feeling so awful all the time - it really takes it out of you. I had ballet this evening, followed by a dance rehearsal for Carousel. Ballet was ok. Rehearsal was okish, but I am still not happy with the dance. I feel like I have eaten too much today. I had lost weight again today, and so am now only 1 pound higher than the weight I had got down to, and I really, really want to have lost again tomorrow and I just don't think I am going to have, and I am really quite terrified of gaining again. I feel like losing weight is quite important at the moment, or at least not gaining. I am so on edge mood wise, and gaining weight can just tip me off completely when I am feeling like this. I am not doing anything tomorrow. That is a good thing. I am not really with it today. I keep getting confused about the day and the time and what I am supposed to be doing. Everything is confusing me. I don't actually know where today has gone. I didn't seem to do anything at all before I went off to ballet, and that wasn't until after 5. Ah well. I hope that I don't wake up so exhausted tomorrow. And I really hope my weight has gone down...
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
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