Another crappy day. To be fair, I have only been awake for half an hour so far, so don't really have the right to call it crappy yet, but I can tell it will be. My mood is definitely slipping. My concentration and motivation have fucked off somewhere, and seem to get further away each day. I am finding it harder and harder to fill my time. L is still off sick, so I won't be seeing her this week, so assuming she is back at the beginning of next week, it will be 3 weeks between seeing her; if she isn't back then obviously it will be longer. That is hard. It is hard not having any support, particularly when I feel like things are getting worse. I was thinking last night that I wish I still had a Support Worker. Although I didn't do anything earth shattering with N, at least it got me out the house for a couple of hours a week and it was time that I wasn't sitting here on my own.
I have to look after my nephew later, or at least I think I do. My next door neighbour is collecting him from school, because it isn't arranged for him to get the bus yet, and then she will presumably drop him off here. I am hoping she keeps him around there to be honest, but I have no idea if she is planning to or not. And then tonight I have rehearsal, which I am really not in the mood for. Fun fun fun. I just want to curl up in a ball and hibernate.
Christmas love to you all
3 weeks ago