There are things I intended to do today. Need today. One is learning my lines for Carousel, as I have to know them by my rehearsal tomorrow night. Having the attention span of a goldfish isn't helping with that. I currently know about 2 of them... Another is washing my hair, as it is a bit nasty and needs washing. I also planned to make a cake, although I am not quite sure why. Things I didn't need to do today were staring into space for long stretches of time and sit pissing around on the internet, not even really knowing what I am looking at. It is 4:45. Leaning the lines before tomorrow night is non negotiable. Well, I could pull a sickie (tempting) but I would still need to know them for Tuesday, so that wouldn't help much. Washing my hair is also pretty non negotiable if I want to leave the house tomorrow. Making a cake is negotiable, but also the most interesting of the three, as it results in a cake at the end of it, and I do like cake. Although I am not really wanting to go into the kitchen at the moment. My old cat, who is 15 and deaf (but still very beautiful and very quick) came home with a vole last night. He was incredibly pleased with himself. Fortunately or unfortunately, the vole was still alive, and so then when he dropped it, it ran away under the appliances. Whilst voles are very sweet and cute, I don't particularly want one living in my kitchen, and small rodents do make me jump, so I am not feeling any overwhelming urges to go into the kitchen. Trouble is, I have absolutely no idea how we can get it out. I really don't want to hurt it, that would upset me (and it I suspect) very much. But catching a live vole, who has a multitude of hiding places, could prove tricky. I just want to catch him and put him back outside where he belongs. I don't want either of the cats to get him. But I have no idea how we can find him. Or her. I just hope it isn't pregnant....
Took a Zopiclone last night. Not sure that it helped me get to sleep really, but I do sleep more solidly after taking them - I wake up far less, and my sleep is generally just far less disturbed. I am still tired though. And I still feel like shit. I desperately hope that L is back this week. I have a horrible feeling that she isn't going to be. I really hope that I am wrong, but I don't think I will be. I don't think I can get through the week if she isn't back. It is so hard not having any support, and I am never calling the CMHT again after the debacle of Friday.
Christmas love to you all
3 weeks ago