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Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Eeek

Have just sent an email to L asking about seeing the crisis team. I am scared. Pressing send was really fucking hard to do. It is so hard to ask for help when your head is screaming at you not to. I tried to explain that I am feeling really strongly suicidal, but that I am trying to fight the thoughts, but I feel like I need more support to do that and therefore what did she think about a crisis team referral. I don't know if it is a good idea. I don't know if she will think it is a good idea. And I don't know if I would want to see them. But everyone here seemed to think it was a good idea, and kind of necessary, so I did it. At least now I can say that I have tried everything before acting on the thoughts if it comes to that. But I am scared. I am scared she will think I am stupid for asking when I clearly don't need it, and I am scared of what will happen if they do see me. And to be honest I don't know what good it can realistically do. I am just hoping it can't make things worse....

8 comments:

  1. Um, I think you clearly DO need it! Stop thinking you don't need or deserve help because you do!! You DO deserve it. I think you have done exactly the right thing. So stop worrying. Hopefully this crisis team will know exactly what to do. I know how hard it is to relinquish control and let others make decisions on how good or bad you are in your illness. Becasue its 'safe' to not tell anyone and stay at home and deal with it on your own. Going into hospital (if thats what they suggest) is scary and no one likes to do it. So I'm proud of you for reaching out and asking for help even if it means getting help your not going to like. (Like the hospital) Good girl!!!!! (( hugs ))

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  2. P.S. I'm not saying they're going to put you in the hospital,... I'm just saying it's hard to accept help when the help is unknown,... But you pushed 'send' - that was the right thing to do

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  3. Well done for asking to help. I hope you can hang on to that fighting spirit and that the crisis team do some good. Please take care xx

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  4. I think it is good that you reached out for support. Scary of course! But taking care of ourselves is so important.

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  5. I am pleased for you Bip. hope that L does reffer you and I hope you get the few good crisis workers. there are some. x

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  6. "It is so hard to ask for help when your head is screaming at you not to"

    Well done, as you've said, asking for help is tricky so good on ya, Bippidee. I sincerely hope the crisis team are able to support you in a way you'll find helpful and constructive.

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  7. It is very brave of you to contact her and ask for more help. I hope she can support you and the crisis team give you the help you need.

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  8. Good for you! And I really doubt that L will dismiss you because I think you DO need it. I hope she gets back to you soon.

    I'm really glad you're holding on.

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

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