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Wednesday, 17 November 2010
Have just sent an email to L asking about seeing the crisis team. I am scared. Pressing send was really fucking hard to do. It is so hard to ask for help when your head is screaming at you not to. I tried to explain that I am feeling really strongly suicidal, but that I am trying to fight the thoughts, but I feel like I need more support to do that and therefore what did she think about a crisis team referral. I don't know if it is a good idea. I don't know if she will think it is a good idea. And I don't know if I would want to see them. But everyone here seemed to think it was a good idea, and kind of necessary, so I did it. At least now I can say that I have tried everything before acting on the thoughts if it comes to that. But I am scared. I am scared she will think I am stupid for asking when I clearly don't need it, and I am scared of what will happen if they do see me. And to be honest I don't know what good it can realistically do. I am just hoping it can't make things worse....
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
If you know me in real life, then please respect my wish for anonymity here.
You are welcome to add me on Facebook - I am on there as Bippidee Mentalist, and on Twitter as bippidee86.