I have still heard absolutely nothing from L. I am feeling completely fucking abandoned. I don't care what she said about never having to do things alone - I am bloody alone. And clearly saying she could call every day was hypothetical, since she hasn't called at all this week apart from when I called multiple times and she rung back. I know I could call her, but I don't want to. I feel like I have reached out so much this week and got absolutely nothing. It has really hurt me a lot because she has always been so supportive of me and I have always trusted her so much and relied on her so much, and been really attached to her, and now I feel like she has just abandoned me when I have needed her most and doesn't give a shit about what happens to me.
I am still feeling like absolute shit. Still wanting to kill myself. Still really lacking energy.
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I'm sorry for you Bip, I really am. Feeling abandoned is something that drives me crazy, I can't get my head round it because I feel like I would NEVER do that to someone esp. because I know how unloved, unwanted and unimportant it makes you feel. I'm sure L does care and she is there for you, it's like S with me. He is so hard and it sounds like L is too. I know it doesn't really help but I do think about you often so you do matter in the world. I don't know what I can say about your suicidal feelings, I just want you to know that I care so think about that.X
ReplyDelete*Big hugs* hun, there's every chance that she's had a family tragedy or something and can't get in touch. There are so many reasons why she might not have phoned, please try not to feel abandoned, I'm sure she has a good explanation.
ReplyDeleteDo you ever feel like a plastic bag
ReplyDeleteDrifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in
Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under
you scream but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that tehre's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own
-Don't like Katy Perry, but related to the lyrics which I may blog. and it made me think of you. I'm sre you'll relate. Hang in there. We can try together. x
In the end, we are really all alone. That's been my experience unfortunately. I'm glad I have my blog friends, the ones who truly understand. I hope you can get some comfort from your blog friends too.
ReplyDeleteI'd be feeling pretty unsupported and invalidated if I were in your position too. it's when you're struggling like this that you really do need people there for you. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteUgh, I *hate* feeling abandoned, which is just how I'm feeling at the moment...my therapist is on vacation and I won't be seeing him for two weeks. I know how you feel. I'm having a tough time in general as well. I really hope things look up for you real soon. Sending all the positive energy and thoughts I can muster your way! *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI can totally understand why you are feeling abandoned. I don't think L has handled this properly at all. I don't know what else to say. I'm really sorry you're still struggling. I hope this wave of depression ebbs soon. You deserve a break.
ReplyDeleteWishing you well,
NOS
Mybe you should email her and tell her honestly how you're feeling. Because you really need to.
ReplyDelete*thousands of hugs*
Hugs to you x
ReplyDelete