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Monday, 14 February 2011

Useless

I am spectacularly useless. I fucked up making buttercream. How can you fuck up mixing butter and icing sugar?? I have no idea, but I did. It has curdled. I have made buttercream enough bloody times with no problems. I think maybe the buttercream sensed my negative energy and got upset. Is that possible? Horses can tell when you are tense, maybe buttercream can too.

My mum's boss died this morning. That's sad. He was due to retire in the summer too. He wasn't even very old. Whenever I hear about someone dying I wish I could swap places with them so that they could keep living. It seems unfair that they should die when they want to live. I don't think my mum will have had a very good birthday.

I got a message today from the person doing publicity for the show saying she needed to talk to me and the male lead tonight at rehearsal, and take some photos, as she has to get a press release out by Wednesday. This is a not good thing. For a start it scares me because it makes it all seem too real. Secondly, I don't want my bloody picture taken tonight. I have to go straight from ballet to rehearsal on a Monday, and so invariably look a complete bloody mess. And yes, I am vain enough that I am bothered by that. I don't remember the last time I had the energy to put on make up or do my hair, and now I kind of have to or there will be pictures of me in the paper looking like complete shit with black rings under my eyes and little piggy eyes from tiredness and just hideous. Not that make up can redeem that, but it is good at improving things slightly. I just want to stay home and hide.
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9 comments:

  1. Katie14 February 2011 at 16:36

    If it's any consolation, I curdled some buttercream a couple of weeks ago too. Usually I'm pretty good at baking related stuff, but these things happen sometimes!

    Good luck with everything this evening <3

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  2. Anonymous14 February 2011 at 16:39

    I was about to say exactly the same thing as Katie. I've been baking since I was a kid and always make buttercream, but I completely messed it up the other day.

    That's sad news for your mum. Never nice for things like that to happen on birthdays and things.

    Hope tonight goes well. I'm sure you'll look great. xx

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  3. Harriet14 February 2011 at 17:09

    I've never made buttercream and wouldn't have a clue where to start! I'm a disaster in the kitchen.

    Thinking of you. [Hug]

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  4. Anonymous14 February 2011 at 17:37

    Mmm, buttercream! It may not have quite gone according to plan, but at least you motivated yourself enough to try and that in itself is a big achievement. Good luck with your rehearsal and stuff.

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  5. Amy14 February 2011 at 17:45

    My mum is starting her own cake business so just the thought of buttercream makes me shudder. I mean I love cake but with the amount she expects us to eat so she can test out new ideas, I wonder if any of us will actually be able to eat normal meals or whether each meal will just be another variation of vanilla sponge.

    I know what you mean about the other people dying thing. When I was in hospital last year the woman in the bed next to me died. I stayed up all night crying my eyes out telling everyone that it should have been me. She was 97, I was 17 but I still felt guilty. It's not a nice feeling at all.

    Good luck with everything tonight, I hope it goes well...or as well as it can when you are feeling so crappy.

    ACM x

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  6. Pandora14 February 2011 at 18:22

    I'd never even heard of buttercream before and am incapable of cooking most things, never mind baking them, so I wouldn't worry. You're being far nicer to your mother on her birthday than I ever am with mine so fair play to you!

    Good luck tonight.

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  7. butterflywings14 February 2011 at 23:58

    You're not useless. Sometimes shit happens. Yeah, it was a nice thought, baking is far more effort than I'd go to either.
    Hope tonight went OK, I know how hard it is putting on make-up - I swear I didn't touch the stuff for months - yeah hair washing, know that one too.
    Hang in there honey x

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  8. Anonymous14 February 2011 at 23:58

    Don't let the buttercream incident weigh you down. The good news about stuff like that is that it's not an irreversible mistake-- you can always buy more ingredients and try again.

    I think I understand what you're saying about wanting to trade places with people that die. I really do. I feel that way too sometimes. Especially if the person is young.

    Good luck at rehearsal tonight.

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

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  9. Anonymous15 February 2011 at 01:24

    *hugs*

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