IF YOU ARE ONE OF MY PARENTS AND HAVE FOUND THIS SITE, PLEASE DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. THIS BLOG IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME, AND HELPS ME A LOT, AND I REALLY NEED YOU TO RESPECT MY PRIVACY AND STAY AWAY FROM IT.

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Break

Just wanted to let you all know I am not intending to blog for a while. I may or may come back to it, I don't know. I have met some wonderful friends through this blog who I value enormously, but I feel too much like I am being judged by what I write here to continue. I have nothing to talk about except how I feel, and that is not changing, and I can't cope with being accused of crying wolf for talking about my feelings, so I feel a break is in order. The suicidal thoughts are incredibly strong, but since I am still alive that apparently proves I am just attention seeking, and the fact that the professionals and my family know how I am feeling but don't offer any more support makes me feel like they either also think I am attention seeking, or that they have accepted my decision - it doesn't really matter which. As I have said before, I have been having trust issues for a while, and they have just been exacerbated by things that have been going on on Facebook lately in relation to this blog, and I just can't deal with it. I had been considering taking a break anyway, and events tonight have made up my mind. If I am around, those of you who want to keep in touch with me know how to. Thank you very much for all of the support over the past 15 months or so. I appreciate it enormously and wish you all the best. xxxx

28 comments:

  1. Keep talking somehow, honey. Even if it's not here. I hope you come back, I will miss your blog. The vast majority of us love you for who you are and don't judge you. xxx

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  2. Hi Bip,

    I'm so sorry that things have happened that have caused you to feel uncomfortable here. Whilst I respect your reasons, I worry about you not having an outlet to express all these things you've got going on. Could you make the blog invite-only, even if it's only temporary? Just a suggestion. I do care what happens to you and I will miss you if you're not around, but you must put yourself first. Please take care xx

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  3. I'm so sorry certain people have driven you to this. I really hope you dont stop writing full stop, even if you dont publish it. I really think you need it. I understand your reasons and i think it really is a shame that some people dont know when to quit!
    xxx

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  4. I'm raging that you've been made to feel this way by one particularly insensitive bitch! GRRR!!!

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  5. ((hugs)) It's completely up to you whether you write or not, I for one enjoy reading your ramblings. I do feel frustrated I can't do anything to help but that's for me to deal with not you. You know where to find me if you need a chat, I'm around most the time :) Take care.

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  6. Hey Bip

    Remember this is your blog and so your rules apply. As Ruby Tuesday has suggested, invite only for a short while might be an option.

    You've said on more than one occasion that this blog is an outlet. So, please keep writing your thoughts and feelings in one way or another. A padlocked journal might perhaps be one way forward?

    Please don't give up hope.

    Big and huge mahhooosive amounts of love to ya my dear.

    LF *mwah* *mwah*

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  7. *hugs* Do whatever you think is best.

    I a so angry with the cruel, anonymous commentors.

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  8. Feeling love for you Bip.

    I am on Paroxatine / Seroxat and have come off of it a number of times and resumed taking it some later. Coming off is not fun but I have managed it ok. It has helped me lots.

    Love to you, lovely.

    Di

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  9. {{{hugs}}} others have said everything better than I can could. I'll miss you're writing and hope it's a temporary break. I reiterate the fact that this is your blog, and if people don't like it they don't have to read it. But I understand how those comments would drive you from writing - they certainly can't be helping and would be hard to deal with even if you weren't feeling so bad.

    Hope to see you back sooner rather than later.

    Take care,
    Differently

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  10. Feel better soon Bip, there's nothing else to say. x

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  11. One of the things the psychiatrists and doctors have said to me (only last week when I was sectioned on a 136) is to be creative, keep a diary etc (I have also as well as other stupid things which don't work. So carry on writing. Even if you don't post it it's important that you carry on writing. For me it is a way to articulate how I am feeling as I don't seem to be able to do so through words. But I have also been warned when I have said I keep a blog if others read it I am open to shit. I have had it on Suicide Forum from someone. But take it as it is; shit! If writing makes you feel better and helps you to articulate carry on doing so. If you don't feel like posting it then don't but it's important that you carry on writing.

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  12. Keep being creative and listening to what you need :) And do whatever you have to do, honey. A lot of people here clearly love you very very much. I don't know you well at all, and have only just started reading your blog, but just remember that you have as much of a right as anyone else to write about how you feel. If it helps, then it's good. And if it's published here, it offers insight to the rest of us. But what is most important is that you do what nourishes you. xxx

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  13. Take care Bip and all the best with your show.

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  14. Thank you all. There was more to it than that, as I said, I thought about it before, but I was hurt by that, and feel like the more I write the more people will agree with that view, and was also upset by someone who hasn't actually said anything, but has obviously been talking about me - I thought I could trust them but clearly not. I think you all know how to contact me - at the moment I am still on twitter and Facebook. xxx

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  15. With the paroxetine...if it's not a medication you're willing to try, why didn't you discuss it further with your GP so that you could be prescribed an anti depressant you ARE willing to try? Meds aren't necessarily the cure all, but they can help, and it sounds like you do need to be on medication, from how depressed you've been.

    It's a real shame you don't feel as though you can write on your blog, but I do hope you keep us updated on Twitter.

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  16. Bippidee, I don't know you... just found you about a week ago. I want you to know that this news is devastating to me. I have been recently going through my darkest hours and this blog has got me through. I needed to know that someone else had been there and done it. Listen, you are alive because you cried.... not "wolf" but for help. I hope your critics and judges read this when I say FUCK OFF! They can't walk in your shoes. I am alive because of your words.... tell them that.

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  17. Your feelings are REAL and VALID! Doesn't matter what others think. I believe. I know. And I am sending you a piece of my heart thru the cosmos. Peace.

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  18. You'll be missed Bip. It's almost as if not writing your blog any more is yet another example of how hopeless you feel, like what's the point in writing about stuff if nothing ever changes, and people aren't listening, they're just hearing what they want to hear.

    For the record I don't think you are an attention seeker, you write about suicide far too matter of factly for that, there's never a drama about it, matey. Let other people worry about their own feelings and issues provoked by what you write, that's their problem, not yours.

    Take Care of you, and hope you come back soon.

    xx

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  19. Take good care of yourself hon. xxx

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  20. This blog seems to act as somewhere where you can really express yourself and although it may not feel like it helps, I'm sure somewhere it does.
    Please don't stop your writing, even if it is privately - something compels you to do it and that can only be a good thing
    I love talking to you and hope to still see you around xx

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  21. I will miss you, Bip. But I'm always here for you in other places.

    Hugs and love. <3 xxx

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  22. I'm really sorry the ill judged and ignorant comments of a few people have pushed you to this decision Bip. Like others have said I hope you do continue to write privately for yourself. Whether on here without publishing or in a journal. And I hope the break is only temporary because I see the overwhelming love and support you receive on here and I would hate for others to take that from you. You and your blog touch many people and help people see that they aren't alone and that there are others out there who have been where they are. If there's anything I can ever do to help Bip, you know where I am. And I'm always there if you need to talk x

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  23. This post you have made kind of says it all. The whole crying wolf which is what you are doing grandiosely seeking sympathies from those cyber friends who read your blog. Until you move on for wanting attention from third parties all the time you will never get better or though the question is do you want to get better? It is people like you that give others with the likes of conditions like BPD a bad name. Take 5 mins to read your past posts and see how much you actually contradict yourself!

    This may be an nameless comment, but freedom of speech is still allowed it’s your choice whether you allow it to be in print on the blog or not.

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  24. I wasn't going to respond to comments to this post, but I have to reply to this. I have never deleted a comment, regardless of how I have felt about them, but I think it is cowardly to post something like that without a name. I have no issue with freedom of speech, but I think it is rude and frankly pretty pathetic to say something that strongly worded anonymously. I don't see how I have given anyone with BPD a bad name, in fact I have been told by professionals that I have been doing all the right things in the ways I have been trying to get help. Giving BPD a bad name would be using attention seeking behaviours such as overdosing or self harming and immediately calling an ambulance etc. Unless you feel that everyone who blogs is 'grandiosely seeking sympathies from those cyber friends' who read their blogs I don't see how you can say that about me. All mental health blogging is self indulgent to an extent, as you are talking about your own feelings and experiences, but I don't see what it is I have said that is so terrible, particularly in saying that I am taking a break from blogging. I am sure you are far too much of a coward to admit to who you are, or you wouldn't have commented anonymously, but I hope that it made you feel good about yourself, being brave enough to post an abusive anonymous comment on the blog of someone who is struggling enormously - congratulations.

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  25. Bip made this post because if she hadnt, given how horrendously suicidal she is, people may have jumped to conclusions that she had commited suicide as opposed to taken a break from blogging. Seriously, unless somebody is holding a gun to your head, i can not imagine for the life of me why you would be reading this blog if it offends you so much. I really have no idea where people like you get off coming onto somebody's personal blog and abusing them in this manner... would you go into somebody's house, read their diary and then accuse them of attention seeking etc over the contents? I doubt it. So I dont understand why the fact that this is on the internet should make you think you have that right!

    Also, i know several people with BPD who DO do shit like this for attention and sympathy and do give those with BPD a bad name, and i can assure you that, given how well i know her outside this blog, she is NOT one of them!

    Oh, and it is people like YOU, who have opinions like this over people who are genuinely suffering immensely, who contribute towards BPDs massive stigma in the field of mental health. Good work!

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  26. I feel so sad for you Bip. Your at your lowest and people still feel the need to make you feel worse. I just don't understand that.
    For the record,... I like your blog and I read it all the time. I like you as a person. I will MISS your writing. But you do what you need to do. Just know that we all still care about you a great deal and we will all still be thinking of you a lot and wondering how your doing.
    ((hugs))
    Recognize the one bad apple for just that - a bad apple! Doesn't mean you have to eat it. Just THROW IT AWAY and move on to the next apple.

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  27. Hi BPD
    Really like reading your blog though I don't generally comment. Could I have an invite to your blog. No pressure and no wories if not.

    Polly

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