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Friday 4 June 2010

To be or not to be?

I purged again today. And I am really wanting to self harm again. Actually I am really, really wanting to overdose. I don't think I will, but the urges are really strong. The reason I don't think I will is because I would be letting people down, as the play that I was in a few weeks ago is entered in a drama festival next week, and if I kill myself, or even try to, then that would  be really unfair on the rest of the cast. But I don't know if that is enough to stop me really. I just don't want to be here. But I will try. I suppose if I have lasted this long I can carry on another week. Right? I don't know what to do.
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2 comments:

  1. Cassie5 June 2010 at 02:15

    I understand having really strong urges to overdose and just feeling desperate and wanting out.
    Identifying a reason to hold on is a positive, keep trying to find those reasons.
    Maybe you should tell L about how bad you're feeling?
    When in this situation, I don't really know what to do either. Just keep trying to take it a day at a time, or even an hour or minute at a time I suppose. You've done well to hang on so far, you can do this.
    Take care,
    Cassie x

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  2. Kristin5 June 2010 at 15:16

    Sorry it is so desperate for you right now, Bippidee. I think of you often and wish there was an easy cure for how you are feeling. You have done well to look for reasons to find hope and encouragement to carry on.
    Each day I hope I will that you have had a bit of relief. I will keep you in my thoughts today,
    xx kris

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