IF YOU ARE ONE OF MY PARENTS AND HAVE FOUND THIS SITE, PLEASE DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. THIS BLOG IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME, AND HELPS ME A LOT, AND I REALLY NEED YOU TO RESPECT MY PRIVACY AND STAY AWAY FROM IT.

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Bit hyper

Hmph. I have way more energy than is appropriate for 1AM. Not sure what to do with myself. I have to be quiet because my parents are in bed but I don't feel like being quiet. My mum has only just gone to bed. She told me off for being too noisy when my dad was in bed though. I was doing high kicks in her bedroom and then doing backstroke on her bed. Very quietly, but too noisily apparently. I got her to do a wheelbarrow race with me earlier. Well not a race because there was only 2 of us. Just a wheelbarrow walk really. We didn't get far though. When I was the wheelbarrow we went slowly across the lounge but we did move, until I collapsed from laughing. She said we wouldn't win any races, so I said she could have a go, and she couldn't move at all, so that was even funnier. Therefore I won. My dad got back from Glastonbury very early this morning. Well, still last night to me because I hadn't been to sleep yet. He bought a mouth organ when he was there. Very random. I had a go on it earlier. Mouth organs are good because even if you have never played one before you sound like you know what you are doing. I walked the dog with my mum this evening. Not very far - she takes him for his long walk in the morning and a shorter one in the evening. One of the cats came with us for the first 10 minutes, which was quite random. He just trotted along over the fields with us. Strange cat. Watched Murray's Wimbledon match earlier. Am hoping he does well, particularly after the fiasco that was the football. That was so shit I don't even want to think about it. Let's focus on the tennis instead. I wish it wasn't the middle of the night. I want to shout or something. I am a bit hyper this evening. Don't know why. Have felt like complete shit all day. Still do. I didn't go to ballet earlier. I couldn't be bothered. Might self harm. I don't like the combination of feeling shit and hyper at the same time because I never know what to do with myself. I would like to overdose really. Feels like a good idea at the moment. Feels like a good idea most of the time actually, but it is particularly appealing right now. But I can't before the funeral really. It wouldn't be fair on my parents. Although on the other hand maybe it wouldn't make any difference to them when I did it. At least I wouldn't have to be here for my birthday then. That would be good. Ho hum. I might go and make some cupcakes. I wonder if that would be too noisy. Probably. And I would only eat them and then feel shit about myself and gain weight. I feel like screaming. But that would definitely be too noisy.

3 comments:

  1. Oh i can relate to this post so much......I have been up the majority of then night....I wanted to make fairy cakes this morningat 3:30am ( i sort of tossed n turned from 12 till 3 then got up)

    I have to creep round to because of hubby n lil girl....i painted in the end....

    I know what you mean about the self harm....i do that much more when my mood is high....because i feel so agitated

    Hope you het some slepep soon

    ReplyDelete
  2. Take a breath, Bippidee.
    It's tough being so agitated and no way to let off steam. I hope you finally collapsed and got some sleep.
    xx kris

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm sorry you feel like shit, but it sounds like you had fun with your mom while wheelbarrow racing. I'm glad you were able to add some levity to your day.

    I hope you were able to get some sleep.

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

    ReplyDelete