A friend just said to me that she worries about me every day and is relieved when she sees me online because it means I am still alive. That makes me feel really guilty. For making her worry, and because I still plan to kill myself, and therefore one day her fears will be realised. It is times like this that I want to isolate myself from everyone. The less I speak to people the less they will be hurt. I love my friends, but I feel like I am being selfish by continuing my relationships with them as I will just end up hurting them.
My dad asked me earlier if I had given up on trying to do something about my weight. My mum said to him that I wasn't fat. He didn't reply. That made me feel really good about myself.