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Friday, 23 April 2010
I feel really terrible. I don't know what to write. I don't know why I feel so bad. I just can't cope. I can't think. I feel like my brain is broken. I keep crying for absolutely no reason. There is nothing at all I can do to distract myself. I really can't do this. Everything just feels too hard right now. And like I wrote the other day, even when things aren't so bad and I am doing ok by my standards, I still never want to be alive. So I just don't see the point. I don't see the point of trying, when really nothing changes. I can't imagine ever being happy to be alive. I wish I could stop crying. I don't even know why I am crying. I feel so desperate. I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do with myself? I can't concentrate on anything. I feel so bad it physically hurts. It feels like I have never felt this bad before, like I have never been this desperate, but I know I have thought that before so I don't know if it is true or not. But this just feels completely unbearable.
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
If you know me in real life, then please respect my wish for anonymity here.
You are welcome to add me on Facebook - I am on there as Bippidee Mentalist, and on Twitter as bippidee86.