Friday, 23 April 2010
I feel really terrible. I don't know what to write. I don't know why I feel so bad. I just can't cope. I can't think. I feel like my brain is broken. I keep crying for absolutely no reason. There is nothing at all I can do to distract myself. I really can't do this. Everything just feels too hard right now. And like I wrote the other day, even when things aren't so bad and I am doing ok by my standards, I still never want to be alive. So I just don't see the point. I don't see the point of trying, when really nothing changes. I can't imagine ever being happy to be alive. I wish I could stop crying. I don't even know why I am crying. I feel so desperate. I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do with myself? I can't concentrate on anything. I feel so bad it physically hurts. It feels like I have never felt this bad before, like I have never been this desperate, but I know I have thought that before so I don't know if it is true or not. But this just feels completely unbearable.