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Wednesday, 7 April 2010
It's no good
I am struggling too much. I feel really terrible. I have been like a zombie this afternoon and evening. Everything suddenly just feels too much to deal with and I feel desperately suicidal. Planning planning planning. I didn't go to the rehearsal tonight. I was really dizzy all afternoon/evening, to the point where it was difficult to stand/walk. I don't know what caused it. I felt fine apart from that, so I don't think it is illness. I did purge earlier, which I suppose could be related, but that usually just makes me a bit dizzy for a few minutes, not like this. So I said I wasn't well. I was relieved to have a get out. I didn't want to go. Have eaten like a pig today. For some reason I was just really hungry and had no self control. I did purge, but even if you take out that food I still ate too much. I suppose it won't matter what I weigh when I am dead anyway. I really can't keep going. I feel too exhausted and too desperate and I just can't cope with life anymore. I have felt like this for too long and I just can't do it anymore.
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
If you know me in real life, then please respect my wish for anonymity here.
You are welcome to add me on Facebook - I am on there as Bippidee Mentalist, and on Twitter as bippidee86.