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Friday, 2 April 2010
I feel crap. My weight was only down 0.2lbs today. That is nothing. I don't know why I bother trying. Ok, the cereal was a lot more calories than I realised, but I have been having that every day. Even with the cereal I must have only had about 700 calories yesterday. I had a slice of bread and peanut butter, some lettuce, cucumber, carrot and pepper, and the cereal. Surely I should have lost some weight? It isn't fair, my body is so fucked. I know the whole starvation mode crap, but what am I supposed to do? If I eat more than about 1000kcals I gain weight. Maintain on about 800 - 1000. So to lose weight I have to go under that. Which I am doing. And it isn't working. I feel so shit about myself, I don't know what to do now. I know logically exercise would be the sensible thing to do, but when I exercise it makes me hungry so I eat more, and so any calories I burn off are replaced by calories I eat because of how hungry it makes me, so that is totally counter productive. I just don't know what to do. I should cut out the peanut butter, but it is the only protein I get. I could replace it with cheese, but that is no better. I feel totally overwhelmed by everything. Everything has too many fucking calories. I am never going to lose weight.
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
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