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Saturday, 1 May 2010
I am really struggling. I don't know what to say. I thought if I kept going things would have started getting a bit better by now. They haven't at all. If anything it is harder, because I am not feeling any better, and feeling this low for weeks is just really dragging me down. I tried to get an early night but I couldn't sleep. Sleep is still a problem. I can't put into words how I am feeling. Desperation is the overriding feeling I suppose. The suicidal thoughts are just so strong. I want to act on them. So much. I want to make everything stop. I need to. I need it to stop. I don't know what else to do. This just feels completely unbearable. I don't know what to do. I feel like things are getting even worse and I didn't even think that was possible. I want to take a few Zopiclone to try and help me sleep, but if I start taking tablets there is no way I will be able to stop. I can't do this. I can't keep going feeling like this and it isn't going away.
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
If you know me in real life, then please respect my wish for anonymity here.
You are welcome to add me on Facebook - I am on there as Bippidee Mentalist, and on Twitter as bippidee86.