Saturday, 1 May 2010
I am really struggling. I don't know what to say. I thought if I kept going things would have started getting a bit better by now. They haven't at all. If anything it is harder, because I am not feeling any better, and feeling this low for weeks is just really dragging me down. I tried to get an early night but I couldn't sleep. Sleep is still a problem. I can't put into words how I am feeling. Desperation is the overriding feeling I suppose. The suicidal thoughts are just so strong. I want to act on them. So much. I want to make everything stop. I need to. I need it to stop. I don't know what else to do. This just feels completely unbearable. I don't know what to do. I feel like things are getting even worse and I didn't even think that was possible. I want to take a few Zopiclone to try and help me sleep, but if I start taking tablets there is no way I will be able to stop. I can't do this. I can't keep going feeling like this and it isn't going away.