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Saturday, 1 May 2010

Bad night

I am really struggling. I don't know what to say. I thought if I kept going things would have started getting a bit better by now. They haven't at all. If anything it is harder, because I am not feeling any better, and feeling this low for weeks is just really dragging me down. I tried to get an early night but I couldn't sleep. Sleep is still a problem. I can't put into words how I am feeling. Desperation is the overriding feeling I suppose. The suicidal thoughts are just so strong. I want to act on them. So much. I want to make everything stop. I need to. I need it to stop. I don't know what else to do. This just feels completely unbearable. I don't know what to do. I feel like things are getting even worse and I didn't even think that was possible. I want to take a few Zopiclone to try and help me sleep, but if I start taking tablets there is no way I will be able to stop. I can't do this. I can't keep going feeling like this and it isn't going away.
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7 comments:

  1. Looking for Sunshine1 May 2010 at 04:27

    I'm sorry that things are so bad. Is there someone that can help you monitor your meds so that you can take some sleeping aids and not be in danger of taking too many? Sleep is so important, especially when you're depresssed. I hope that you get some relief soon.

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  2. Anonymous1 May 2010 at 04:35

    I'm sorry that things have not improved. Can so relate to that feeling of desperation, when you just don't know what to do anymore. Not much I can say that will help, but I do care and I really feel for you right now. Thinking of you.
    Take care,
    Cassie x

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  3. mariposai1 May 2010 at 07:31

    I'm sorry you're feeling like this right now. I wish I had some words to help, but all I will say is don't give up on yourself, because there is always potential for things to get better, no matter how awful they seem right now, there is always hope.

    Sarah x

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  4. Pandora1 May 2010 at 18:38

    No words of wisdom at all, for which my apologies. Just...thinking of you and sending hugs xxxxx

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  5. Anonymous1 May 2010 at 19:58

    I wish I had something useful to say, but I wanted you to know that I'm still reading, and I still care.

    I also want you to know that I felt exactly the same way dec/jan and eventually things did get better - not saying they're perfect but better, and I just know it can for you too - it has to.

    {{{hugs}}} in lieu of anything useful.

    Take care,
    Differently

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  6. Anonymous1 May 2010 at 23:04

    I'm very sorry to hear how you're feeling -- I've been there and I know it feels like you'll never get out of it. It's scary. I think you should be commended for writing anything at all because I know even that was nearly impossible for me to accomplish when in such an awful state and feeling so horrible. Things to get better, eventually. I know writing/blogging has helped me tremendously. It's nice to be able to attempt to put your feelings out there and just vent. I like reading and relating to others who are in similar situations -- we are all hear, suffering and growing together as a community. You are not alone. *Sending you hugs and best wishes for wellness* :)

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  7. Bippidee2 May 2010 at 03:26

    Thank you all for the comments. I am Zopicloned up so can't think properly to reply now but I will tomorrow. x

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