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Thursday, 20 May 2010

More food talk

I am so annoyed and frustrated with myself. It is quarter past 4, and I felt so hungry and weak that I had to eat something, so I just had a slice of bread and peanut butter. I feel so pathetic for doing that when I wasn't going to eat until dinner. We have no bloody lettuce so I can't even have salad for dinner, I will have to have a 'proper' meal. I had lost weight today and I need that to keep happening, and now I am scared I will end up gaining tomorrow. I just feel so useless.

I feel like I have eaten too much today. As I suspected earlier, I had to have a 'proper' meal due to the lack of salad, and I was also quite hungry despite the bread. So I had pasta and now I just feel like I have eaten way too much today. I suppose I did dance for an hour, which will hopefully have compensated somewhat, but it still feels too much. And even more annoyingly, I am still bloody hungry.

8 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to this right now. I wish I had some answers. x

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  2. I can relate too, I'm also having food and weight issues right now. I know it's hard to believe, but you're not pathetic for eating. Our body gives us hunger signals for a reason, because we need to eat to survive.
    Take care,
    Cassie x

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  3. can't really comment because i'd be the biggest hypocrit going.

    thinking of you xx

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  4. Eating unhealthily like this will kill your metabolism. It won't be so satisfying, but eating healthily and losing weight gradually will not only keep you healthy and not hungry, but it will also help the weight to stay off permanently and not yo-yo up and down. Thinking of you, honey. *Hugs*

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  5. Thanks for the comments. I know this isn't ideal Karita, but I have had an ED for over 6 years now, and my metabolism is completely screwed up - I gained 25lbs and was still eating less than 2000kcals a day, and to lose weight I have to restrict a lot, to stay under about 700 or 800 kcals. If I go over about 1200kcals I gain, and between about 800 and 1200 I maintain, so this really is the only way for me to lose weight. I know it is bad, and I know it will screw my metabolism even more, but I don't see an alternative.

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  6. Oh, do I have the same thought patterns. It consumes my life...I've had an eating disorder for at least 30 years and it is only now that I am beginning to address it with my therapist who has provided counseling for me for 19 years. I wish I would have addressed it when I was younger...it has effected my health now that I am getting older. Oh how those plans and about eating and the feelings are sooooo difficult, but you are worthy of taking care of yourself in different ways.

    take care,

    CC

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  7. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lecture. I know it's hard, not from first-hand experience, but from watching my Mum with bulimia when I was growing up. Thinking of you. *Hugs*

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  8. Oh no, I didn't take it as a lecture at all. I was just explaining that my metabolism is already fucked unfortunately.

    Clueless - it sucks doesn't it? I have always talked about my eating problems with whoever I am seeing etc, but it doesn't seem to make my eating any less chaotic unfortunately.

    xx

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