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Monday, 24 May 2010
The best laid plans
Why do things always go wrong? I was meant to be seeing L at 10 this morning. I got up early (for me) and got dressed and waited. It was getting later and I thought it was strange because she is usually on time. At quarter past I got a text from her asking if I was running late, as my appointment was at 10. I called her and said I thought she was coming here, and she had thought I was going there. I had no way of getting there, and it was too late for her to come out, because she was seeing someone else at 11:15. So we have had to leave it. My usual day for seeing her is tuesday, and I go there. Then lately I have been seeing her thursdays as well, and on thursday she comes here. This week she isn't in tuesday or thursday, so she said she would see me monday and wednesday instead. But I can't get there any day except tuesday and friday, because my mum works, so I thought she was coming here, but she had forgotten. So I am seeing her wednesday as planned, and she is coming here, but I will have only been able to see her once this week, rather than twice like I am supposed to be. And I only got to see her once last week as well, because she had to cancel thursday as she wasn't in work. It sounds pathetic but I am really upset. When I was on the phone I had to try really hard to stop myself from crying, and as soon as I put the phone down I burst into tears. It feels like ages since I have seen her, even though actually it was only last tuesday. Plus seeing her twice a week was only going to happen for 4 weeks, and now it won't have happened for 2 of those weeks. And I am exhausted because I couldn't get to sleep last night, so I only had about 5 hours sleep and then had to get up for an appointment that didn't happen, and I probably won't be able to get back to sleep now. So all in all I feel pretty crap. I know it is nobody's fault - it was just a miscommunication. I should have checked what was happening, but I thought that when she had changed the days for this week I had said that I wouldn't be able to get there on those days. I am pissed off with myself.
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
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