Gone, but not forgotten

Just over a year ago, on 2nd May 2009, my incredible GP died. I haven't written about her much here, just mentioned her a few times. She meant a lot to me. I first started seeing her when I came home from uni. Well I say from uni, but actually it was from hospital. I was discharged from the hospital a few days before Christmas, and saw my GP for the first time the day after I got home. I wrote in my diary 'I have registered with a GP here who is so lovely, really sympathetic and supportive. I feel like she genuinely wants to help', and that was true of the whole time I saw her. It took several weeks for the CMHT to start seeing me, and in that time she saw me at least once a week, and talked to me between if I needed it. After I had been seeing her for about a month, she went off sick. She was off for quite a few months. Then she came back, then was off again, then came back, then was off again (this was over a period of about 3 years). She had Cancer. She was only 43 when she died, and had 2 young children.

Whenever she was there she was incredibly supportive of me. She saw me weekly for the majority of that time, although it did move to fortnightly when I was more stable, and I think even monthly occasionally. She always gave me lots of time - it wasn't at all unusual for me to be with her for 45 minutes or so. She was always positive. She always said how she knew that I would get better, and that my thoughts were because I was ill, and that one day I would be happy. She was always very concerned about my safety. On quite a few occasions she tried to persuade me to go into hospital, and when I refused (as I always did) she would always try and arrange for more support for me. She didn't always succeed, but that was down the failings of the CMHT I was under at the time rather than her. She was very into complimentary type therapies (alongside psychiatric medication, not as a replacement for), particularly EFT, which I do think has some mileage - when she did it with me I did find it helped with anxiety, just not with depression/suicidal thoughts.

She was the first professional that I ever felt genuinely cared about me, and not just because it was her job to. She was always very involved in my care - far more than lots of GPs are. She dealt with all my medication, because I refused to see the Psychiatrist I was under. She frequently talked to the CMHT about me. She came to my CPA review. Even when she wasn't at work she was involved in my care. The GP I saw at the surgery when she was off sick was her husband, and he would often check things with her. In short, she was an amazing person. She was a fantastic GP, but also a really lovely, caring woman, with a wonderful sense of humour. I was very attached to her, and I still miss her enormously. I don't believe that I would still be alive if it wasn't for her, and I will never forget how much she did for me. She is still one of the most incredible people I have ever met, and I feel privileged to have known her. RIP.