So, it is the 1st January 2011. 1/1/11. Start of another shitty year. I still wish I was dead and that I hadn't made it to this year, and I still plan to correct it as soon as possible. I have a vague feeling that killing myself is a somewhat inappropriate New Year's Resolution, but that is the thing that I want. I spent last night with my parents at home - half a bottle of champagne and a couple of Diazepam got me through. I am struggling to write. There's lots I meant to say but I just feel like my brain has fogged over, and it isn't due to the alcohol from last night. I intended to try and write about the positives of 2010, but I am feeling too shit to bother. I know there were positives. I just couldn't make them mean anything to me - they all felt irrelevant. I will try and do it at some point. At the moment Sondheim's lyrics from the song I'm Still Here from Follies pretty much sum things up.
'I've run the gamut, A to Z.
Three cheers and dammit, c'est la vie!
I got through all of last year and I'm here!'
Hallucinations and the Mental Health Act
5 days ago