My sleep is all over the bloody place. I am writing this at 6am, wide awake and yet exhausted. Oxymoron? Seems to happen a lot. Last night I think I got to sleep about 6:45am, or I suppose technically I should say this morning I think I got to sleep about 6:45am. Without fail the worse I feel the later I get to sleep. It doesn't matter what time I have woken up, or what I have done that day - my body just seems to break a bit. Not that I am pretending my sleep is ever good, but there is a definite correlation between my mood and the time I get to sleep. It is now 6:40. I really should be asleep, but I am still very awake. I took 10mg Diazepam about an hour ago to try and help my head slow down a bit to let me sleep, but it doesn't seem to have had any impact unfortunately. I didn't take any Zopiclone, because by the time I had realised I wasn't going to get to sleep, it was later than I like to take it - I only take it if I have 10 hours before I have to be awake, as otherwise I feel like a zombie the next day, and unfortunately my mum has fridays off work, and so will be at home, and will wake me up at some point. Not early, but I won't be able to sleep half the afternoon like I do sometimes. I suppose in theory that is a good thing, but I don't know what I am waking up for. Another day that I don't want.
'At the end of the day you're another day older
And that's all you can say for the life of the poor
It's a struggle, it's a war
And there's nothing that anyone's giving
One more day standing about, what is it for?
One day less to be living'
Ok, poverty isn't really an issue for me, but the rest feels appropriate. Good old Les Miserables - a lyric for every occasion. Except happy ones. It isn't called The Glums for nothing. Luckily that isn't a problem for me as I rarely have anything happy to express. It is now 6:50. Parents will be awake in a minute. I will get told off for still being awake. Never mind.
Christmas love to you all
3 weeks ago