Tuesday, 25 January 2011
Frustrated
I am really struggling. I saw L this morning, but to be perfectly honest I don't feel like it helped at all. I don't feel like I really ended up talking about anything I feel like I wanted or needed to - it just seemed to go off in a direction that may have been helpful for her in understanding more, but didn't do anything to help me. I wish I could re-do the appointment and somehow change it. Although I don't really know what I did want to talk about. I just feel frustrated that I have had the one hour in a fortnight when I could talk, and I wasted it. Although maybe I would feel like that regardless of what we had talked about. I don't know. I don't know what I wanted her to do, but I suppose I just felt like I needed something. She just made an appointment for a fortnight's time like usual. I suppose I have this appointment on Thursday, but that is just an assessment, that isn't going to help - it will just be going over my history. I will still wait until then and go to the appointment, but I am not feeling hopeful in any way. Quite the opposite to be honest. I am exhausted.
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*hugs* I am sorry things are so hard.
ReplyDeleteIs there anything, anything at all, that's nice that you can do for yourself.
I think you should print out some of these blog-posts and take them to your assessments. You could edit some bits out and you wouldn't have to say they are from a blog. I think it might be easier for the psychiatrist to see how deep your depression is and give you appropriate help if he could see these. I think you might find showing him some writing less scary than talking.
You need and deserve more help than you're getting.
Well, I email the majority of what I write to L, so she sees it anyway. I occasionally edit bits, and there are occasionally bits I send her that don't end up on here, but the majority of it is the same, so she knows how I feel. With the psychologist assessment on Thursday I expect it will primarily be just her collecting history etc rather than asking much about how I am now, although presumably that will come into it. But L, who is my care coordinator, already reads most of what I write, so she knows everything that the people who read my blog know basically - it was because she asked me to start writing down how I was feeling that I initially started this blog - I thought that if I was writing anyway I may as well write a blog so I had a record of it, and could communicate with other bloggers as well etc. Thank you for the thoughts. xx
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