Tuesday, 25 January 2011
Not feeling any better. Exhausted. Went to ballet and rehearsal. Felt like shit the whole time, as predicted. Desperately just want to give up, but I am trying really hard to just keep going for the next few days. I am seeing L in the morning. Don't know how I feel about it. Usually I look forward to seeing L, but I am just feeling nothing. Kind of numb. Can't explain it. Just empty. I feel like a zombie, just getting by on auto pilot. Don't want to be here. Have had enough. Three days to go. Then I can make a decision. My brain feels jumbled. Random words and song lyrics keep popping into it. I type decision and my brain starts singing 'It's your first big decision. The choice isn't easy to make'. That's from Into The Woods. Not relevant. Brain is just linking random things. Type another word and my head shoots off in another direction. Can't think in complete sentences. Brain is just too jumpy. Can't concentrate. Can't write. Can't make my head calm down enough to extract any thoughts. Feel horrible.