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Sunday, 9 January 2011
I am feeling really shit. I have felt completely exhausted all day, to the point where it took me hours to find the energy to get out of bed to go downstairs and get some food tonight. I think it is a combination of lots of nights when although I have slept ok, and got a reasonable amount by most people's standards (generally 6 - 8 hours), it hasn't been enough for me, and I don't remember the last time I got the 10 hours in a night which is what it takes for me to really feel awake. And then I think I am just completely and utterly drained emotionally. I am feeling really awful and it is really taking its toll on my energy. I feel like I am just marking time until I can make everything stop. I think I am moving back into the type of depression that involves lots of feeling exhausted and staring into space. Either that or I am just having a bad day energy wise. I have taken a couple of Diazepam and am going to have a Zopiclone or 2 and hope that I can sleep well tonight and will see how I feel tomorrow. Today has been bad, but maybe it was just a blip energy wise from a difficult day yesterday and not enough sleep and that is making me think I am more depressed than I actually am. It is weird because I feel suicidal either way. I suppose it doesn't much matter. I am not thinking very clearly. I think I will try and sleep now. I hope tomorrow is better.
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
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