Monday, 18 January 2010
Really struggling. Felt so terrible overnight, didn't know what to do with myself. Had to take a couple of Diazepam to try and calm myself down, but I still felt like complete shit. Kept trying to tell myself just to get through until today and I could speak to L. Just called and she is still off sick, they are now expecting her back wednesday. That means not only can I not speak to her today, I won't get to see her for my appointment tomorrow. I can't do this, I can't cope. And there is no point me speaking to whoever is on duty at the CMHT because they will just tell me to go to A&E to be assessed by the duty psych, and I know from experience what a fucking pointless venture that is. I don't even know if I want help anymore. I just want to die.