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Monday, 18 January 2010

Shit

Really struggling. Felt so terrible overnight, didn't know what to do with myself. Had to take a couple of Diazepam to try and calm myself down, but I still felt like complete shit. Kept trying to tell myself just to get through until today and I could speak to L. Just called and she is still off sick, they are now expecting her back wednesday. That means not only can I not speak to her today, I won't get to see her for my appointment tomorrow. I can't do this, I can't cope. And there is no point me speaking to whoever is on duty at the CMHT because they will just tell me to go to A&E to be assessed by the duty psych, and I know from experience what a fucking pointless venture that is. I don't even know if I want help anymore. I just want to die.
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4 comments:

  1. Anonymous18 January 2010 at 14:12

    Hugs hun, that's pretty shit that you got through the night and then L wasn't in. Could you get them to pass on a message to her? I started a blog lostinmentalhealth.wordpress.com
    is it ok that I added a link to yours? If not I'll take it down. Take care,
    Struggling x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bippidee18 January 2010 at 15:55

    Thanks for replying. Of course it is ok! I look forward to reading your blog. x

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  3. Anonymous18 January 2010 at 17:04

    I wish I could say something meaningful or constructive, but I can't. And I wish mental health services would be meaningful or constructive, but 9 times out of 10 that's not bloody likely.

    Just wanted to say that I know where you are hun, and it fucking sucks. Sending lots of gentle hugs, if that is OK. Please do not hesitate to email me if you want to get any of this shit out of your system. In the meantime, take care of yourself as best you can. xxx

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  4. Bippidee18 January 2010 at 19:47

    Thanks SI, I appreciate that. How are you doing after your weekend? Have you had any appointments with anyone yet? I have always found the first appointments following a suicide attempt hell - I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear and for them to not know anything about it. xxx

    ReplyDelete

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