I haven't really done much this weekend. My sleep pattern is still all over the place. I watched So You Think You Can Dance last night, and Dancing on Ice tonight, and that basically formed the structure of my weekend. Good old trash TV eh - what would we do without it?!
The other thing I have been doing is knitting. I am not a good knitter. I first learnt to knit maybe 4 years ago, when I was rehearsing a show. For some reason knitting seemed to be the in thing to do at that time, and several of the cast members would sit knitting scarves when we were not needed in the rehearsal, and between them they taught quite a few more cast members to knit. I think by the end of the rehearsal period the entire cast could at least knit a few stitches! Later that year I was in hospital, and the majority of the women there knitted, as it was something to do, and so I knitted a scarf for one of my nieces. I couldn't cast on or off - I had to get other patients to do that for me. And I couldn't correct my (many) mistakes - I had to get other patients to do that for me. And I couldn't purl, so I just knitted the whole thing, but I finished it, and gave it to her for Christmas, and all in all it was a decent first attempt. I hadn't knitted since then until friday, when my mum decided I could knit the ear flaps to go onto a hat that she had knitted for my 16 week old nephew (who is gorgeous by the way, if absolutely enormous for his age!). We made an attempt doing a bit each, and she cast on and off for me, but I did learn to pick up stitches, so that was the first new knitting skill I learnt. We finished it, but it looked a bit messy as we had both done bits, so I did another one by myself, but still with my mum casting on and off for me, and this was much neater. But I decided I didn't like the shape of it, and that I would knit another one. So I did last night, and this time I mostly cast on and off by myself. And then today I knitted another one to match the new design and did it entirely by myself with no help at all, and it turned out rather well if I do say so myself! So they are now ready to sew onto the hat, so my mum then told me I had to knit 2 more, for a different hat, but these needed to have a row knitted and then a row purled, so she told me how to purl, and I had a little practice, and now I am ready to start those ones. So now I have learnt to cast on, cast off, pick up stitches and purl. I am feeling rather smug and pleased with myself - can you tell?! I am quite liking this knitting lark. My concentration isn't good enough to read at the moment, which I usually do a lot, and I am finding the TV irritating unless I am specifically watching something, so it is quite nice to have something to do with myself. I like knitting whilst watching the TV best, but just knitting is ok too, as it doesn't take too much concentration, but definitely beats staring at the wall. I am going to start on one of the knit/purl ear flaps now and see how it goes.
I have been doing my food diary that I mentioned thinking about starting. So far I have been very good with it - I have written down absolutely everything I have eaten, even things I think I shouldn't have had. It is quite useful - it is making me think a bit more before eating things, but also it is quite useful to be able to look back at a day and see exactly what I have eaten, and sometimes to find that actually a day hasn't been as bad as I have thought etc. All totally feeding (no pun intended!) my controlling, obsessive streak of course, but that's ok - there are worse things I could be doing. I am keeping a note of my weight in there as well to see how that changes (or doesn't), and how that relates to what I am eating.
I am seeing L tomorrow, and also I am back at dance class after the Christmas break. Was told to keep practicing over Christmas, but have done absolutely nothing, so that will hurt like hell, and I am expecting extreme stiffness on tuesday! Not really feeling terribly comfortable about getting into a leotard and tights given my body at the moment, but I need to try and make myself go, because stopping doing things doesn't help me, and maybe dancing will make me lose some weight, and that would make me feel better about myself.
Hallucinations and the Mental Health Act
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