Thursday, 14 January 2010
I am kind of falling apart and I don't know what to do. The suicidal thoughts are getting more and more intense. I can't sleep because of all the thoughts in my head even though I am exhausted. Everything feels massively overwhelming and I just can't cope. I feel so desperate. I hoped writing would make the thoughts go but my head is spinning so much I can't even slow it down enough to identify the thoughts let alone write them down. I feel like I am hanging on by a thread. I don't know what to do. I can't keep going like this. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. I don't give a shit if things will get better and I will be happy at some point (which they won't and I won't), I just can't cope anymore NOW. It is now I am having to live with feeling like this, and no matter what the future holds, I don't want it.