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Thursday, 14 January 2010
I am kind of falling apart and I don't know what to do. The suicidal thoughts are getting more and more intense. I can't sleep because of all the thoughts in my head even though I am exhausted. Everything feels massively overwhelming and I just can't cope. I feel so desperate. I hoped writing would make the thoughts go but my head is spinning so much I can't even slow it down enough to identify the thoughts let alone write them down. I feel like I am hanging on by a thread. I don't know what to do. I can't keep going like this. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. I don't give a shit if things will get better and I will be happy at some point (which they won't and I won't), I just can't cope anymore NOW. It is now I am having to live with feeling like this, and no matter what the future holds, I don't want it.
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
If you know me in real life, then please respect my wish for anonymity here.
You are welcome to add me on Facebook - I am on there as Bippidee Mentalist, and on Twitter as bippidee86.