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Tuesday 5 October 2010

Run down

I am feeling completely exhausted. I just could not get to sleep last night. I tried everything but sleep just wasn't happening. I finally managed to get to sleep about 6:15 I think, and woke up several times, and then had to get up at 10, so only got about 3 and a half hours sleep, which is obviously far from enough. So I have been really exhausted all day. I saw L at 11, then had a physio appointment at 2:30, so met up with a friend for a couple of hours between. My friend and I had just gone into Costa when L came in with someone else from the CMHT, and then a little bit later 2 other members of the CMHT staff came in, including the twat, so I spent lots of time sending evil vibes across the room at him.

The physio appointment was a little bit disappointing. It was fine, but I wanted the impossible I suppose - some instant, miracle cure that meant I would be fixed overnight. She felt it and got me to do a few things, and said the muscle going all the way down the right side of my back was inflamed and had gone into a spasm. She gave it a massage etc, but there wasn't really that much else she could do. There isn't much I can do except keep taking the anti inflammatory tablets and rest it, and do some gentle stretches to keep it mobile. She said that in a few days the anti inflammatory tablets should start to make more of a difference and I would be able to go back to doing gentle dancing, but no lifts or anything that will strain it until it is completely recovered. Hopefully that will be within a week, which is really pushing it with the show, as that puts it to only a week before the first performance, but there really isn't anything I can do about it, which is shit. I need to be really careful not to do too much and push it too hard, or she said I will just end up inflaming it again and it will take even longer to heal. Bad timing.

I didn't go to rehearsal tonight. I should have gone, because even though I can't dance I could still have done my acting scenes. But I just felt so exhausted and drained and low, and my back has been aching a lot, and I am just feeling really run down - I now have 3 mouth ulcers. I phoned the Assistant Director and said that my back was really hurting, and was meaning that I wasn't sleeping well (ok, slight lie as it isn't my back stopping me from sleeping, but white lies don't hurt anyone!) and so I was just really exhausted and run down etc, and so I didn't think I would be able to make the rehearsal tonight, and she said it sounded like it would be better for me to stay home and rest and hopefully I would feel better by the rehearsal Thursday. I am exhausted, but not sleepy, so don't know how likely it will be that I sleep well, but I really hope I do. Tomorrow should be a quiet day, as I won't be able to go to ballet in the evening (weight won't be happy about that), and that was the only thing I was supposed to be doing, so hopefully I will be able to relax a little.

My friend who is coming to stay on Friday just uploaded a new profile picture on Facebook, and she looks so ill. I think worse than I have ever seen her. I am really concerned about her, and also obviously worried about her staying. I wish she could see how ill she is. And I really wish that she could get the help she needs. I am worried that she is going to die before a bed becomes available for her.

I was really upset by my weight today. I had eaten an amount yesterday that I was absolutely convinced would have meant my weight would be lower today, and it was exactly the same. I was really upset and stressed by that. It made me feel really out of control, because I had eaten an amount that should have lead to weight loss, and it didn't, so now what do I do? So all in all it has been a bit of a crappy day really....

2 comments:

  1. Im sorry you have had such a crappy day! I hate that feeling of being exhausted but not sleepy! Im keeping my fingers crossed that you will be better in time for your performance! x

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  2. Oh my goodness, 6:15?!? That's awful! I know how much it sucks to be tossing and turning for hours on end (and at least here in America the nighttime TV programming is all infomercials and horrible shows). I'm sorry. The sleeping meds aren't helping at all?

    Once again, I hope your back feels better soon. I'm rooting for you!

    Wishing you well,
    NOS

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