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Wednesday, 6 October 2010
I cannot fucking cope with this lack of sleep. I slept for about 3 and a half hours last night, have now been awake for 17 and a half hours, have taken a Diazepam and a Zopiclone, and I still can't sleep. It is 3:30am. I spent the whole day absolutely exhausted and have been feeling completely drained and really shit, and now I can't sleep. I am desperate to sleep, and I am exhausted, but just not sleepy. I don't know what to do. I am too tired to even think straight, and yet I can't sleep. Last night I was exhausted and yet still couldn't sleep until 6:15am, and even then kept waking up. Admittedly I hadn't had a Zopiclone then, just a Diazepam, as I needed to be able to get up this morning, but I still spent the night incredibly tired and yet unable to sleep. I was so convinced that if I didn't nap at all today that I would sleep well tonight, but no. I feel like my body is betraying me in every way it can - first not losing weight despite eating an amount that should have made me lose a good half pound, and now not being able to sleep despite being completely exhausted. I feel like crying, but I am too bloody knackered.
I am a 24 year old female, currently embroiled in the Mental Health minefield. My diagnonsense is Borderline Personality Disorder, and I also have problems with Depression, Anxiety and disordered eating. Bippidee is my nickname for BPD, as stolen from the fantastic mentalnurse.
If you know me in real life, then please respect my wish for anonymity here.
You are welcome to add me on Facebook - I am on there as Bippidee Mentalist, and on Twitter as bippidee86.