Saturday, 23 October 2010

More show stuff

Been busy busy. Well actually I haven't been that busy, but it feels like I have. Yesterday I had my flu jab, and then a show in the evening. On the way to getting my flu jab I mentioned to my mum that I probably shouldn't have had my flu jab the week of the show, but the nurse who was doing the flu jabs scares me, and so I didn't like to ask if I could rearrange it because I thought she would tell me off for wasting her time, so I had it done, and then got home, remembered that after my flu jab last year I couldn't move my arm for 3 days, and got into a hysterical mess, panicking that I wouldn't be able to move my dance, and therefore the dance would all be a disaster and thinking what a complete idiot I was. As it turned out it hasn't actually been too bad - it was a bit sore to lift yesterday, but fine for dancing, and today it felt a lot better. So I was panicking needlessly, but that is my style I guess. Then I had a nap for an hour in the afternoon, and then went to the theatre. The show went pretty well last night, apart from a very funny moment in the scene before I go on, when the lead thought it was the ballet (during which he goes to get his make up redone for the scene after the ballet) and completely forgot he had another scene first, and so had gone downstairs to the make up people, and there was a good minute of stage time when he just wasn't there, and the starkeeper just stood there polishing stars, and then everyone backstage heard this thundering up the stairs, and he dashed to the other side of the stage and walked on. Amazingly it couldn't be heard from the audience apparently, but it was very loud, and very amusing backstage. Apart from that it was ok, although I think everyone felt a bit flat - not really sure why.

Today I had a rehearsal for my song for the concert I am doing in December, and then went straight to the theatre after that. It went quite well tonight - we had a particularly responsive audience in, although I have to say that they have all been fairly good, but they were particularly enthusiastic tonight. My back was hurting more tonight - it is really hurting quite a lot now. I had to take the tape off today that the physio had put on, as I couldn't really be doing with getting it all wet yet again, and I didn't think that it was really making that much difference anyway, but my back was definitely a lot worse tonight, so maybe it had been helping. My upper hamstrings/hips are still really tight - they seem to be getting worse. I can't even get into flat splits on what is usually my good leg, and the place that is stopping me really shouldn't be - that isn't where doing the splits stretches you! So I am still doing them on my other leg, which I can just about still make it on. I think my body really needs a rest - it is just all seizing up on me. There are a couple of limbering classes next week at my dance school as it is half term, but I think I just need to rest.

Tomorrow I have a matinee as well as an evening performance, so will be at the theatre from about half 1 until after the evening show. There is no point in going out between the shows, as there will only be about 2 hours between the end of the matinee and the start of the evening performance, and getting out of costume and make up takes 20 minutes, then most people like to be there an hour and a half before the show to start getting ready, so that would leave 10 minutes out of the theatre, which obviously isn't worthwhile! So I think people will just order food in - I can't imagine anyone will bother going out. There is an aftershow party, but I don't know whether I am going to be able to go or not. My parents are going to see the show tomorrow, and so they won't want to wait around for too long after, and so I could just go for a little while, but then everyone pays £8 for the aftershow, to cover costs of food/drink etc, and it isn't worth me paying that if I can only stay for an hour or less, and I would have no other way of getting home.

It is weird to think the show will be over tomorrow. I can't quite decide how I feel about it. I think if I wasn't injured I would be more upset, but I do know that my body really needs a rest, or my back is never going to get better. I will miss some of the people in the cast who I get on really well with, and I guess being on stage, but I know that even just a couple of weeks ago I really couldn't be bothered with going to rehearsals. And I have been feeling fairly flat all week, despite performing etc. Other people seem all kind of hyper and excited, and I am just flat, and I can't get that enthusiasm. Obviously I am pleased when it goes well, and I am definitely more comfortable being on stage and acting than I am just being me, but I just feel like I am missing that spark.


  1. I agree your body definitely sounds like it needs a rest, so it's probably a good thing the show's coming to an end.

    I hear you on the flat feeling. I'm finding the same thing with my PhD, everyone around me is getting really excited about the research, and although I do enjoy some of it, a lot of the time I'm just going through the motions. I don't know whether this is a BPD/depression thing or perhaps everyone gets it sometimes? Maybe other people don't always feel as enthusiastic as they act.

    Anyway, good luck for your last night and I hope your back heals quickly.

    Res x

  2. Good luck for last night Bipp. Just to think there were times when you thought you would never make it to the shows. Just be careful you dont hit downer when things quieter and you no longer have distraction. Safeguard now. x

  3. *hugs* I hope your back feels better soon.

    I know it sucks, but "flat" is much better than "intensely suicidal". You're better than you have been. Here's to a future that's better still.

  4. Break a leg on your last two performances!

    Hopefully once the show is over your body will be able to fully recuperate.

    Wishing you well,