I didn't go to the wedding. I set my alarm for 8 this morning so that I could decide, but I still couldn't decide, and just ended up getting increasingly stressed about it as I just couldn't decide whether or not to go. I knew that whatever I did I would regret - if I went I would have spent the whole day exhausted, and also probably been pretty bored in the middle of the day when my parents were at the wedding breakfast, and spent lots of the day wishing I was at home, and also been exhausted tomorrow. But then not going would just mean sitting here on my own for 13 hours or so and feeling guilty for not being at my cousin's wedding etc. So it was a lose lose situation really. I ended up getting more and more worked up and just wound up in a hysterical state, which of course ended up making it so late that I didn't have a choice about whether or not to go as it was too late. I do think that not going was probably the right decision. I would have liked to see my cousin get married etc, but when I have such a busy week ahead it probably wouldn't have been the best idea. Particularly since I still have a cold and earache etc, plus my back.
So I am just sitting here watching crap TV (have so far watched Monk, Come Dine With Me, am now on Ugly Betty, and then comes Harry Hill followed by X Factor....). I am thinking I should probably get something to eat as I haven't eaten yet today and it is 6:45, but I have gained so much weight lately, and am feeling so terrible about my weight, that I really don't want to eat anything so that my weight will have gone down tomorrow. Also I don't know what I would have, and can't really be bothered to get anything, and I don't actually think I am even hungry. But I know that once I start eating I won't be able to stop. Although I really am pretty exhausted, so maybe I would be able to, because I wouldn't want to keep going downstairs. I don't know. I just feel pretty crap and tired and unmotivated.
Christmas love to you all
3 weeks ago