IF YOU ARE ONE OF MY PARENTS AND HAVE FOUND THIS SITE, PLEASE DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. THIS BLOG IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME, AND HELPS ME A LOT, AND I REALLY NEED YOU TO RESPECT MY PRIVACY AND STAY AWAY FROM IT.

Friday, 17 December 2010

Goodbye Bippidee?

I don't bloody know what to do. I really don't want to make my blog password protected or invite only, because I have met so many great bloggers, and want to continue to do so, and think that invite only/password protection puts up a big barrier up in that respect. I considered starting a blog with a new title and URL on WordPress, and still posting under the name Bippidee, but then realised anyone googling Bippidee could still find it if I did that. So essentially I am looking at having to start completely from scratch, and it is going to be a fucking nightmare. My email address, my Twitter, and my Facebook are all Bippidee. A new account means replacing all of those as well, or I would have the same problem with Google. Well, not the email address, but I would want my email address to match everything else because I am neurotic like that. Also, I would want to export this blog to the new account, because I don't want to lose everything I have written in the past year, but again, there are posts that mention Bippidee, or comments to Bippidee, and so Google would still be a problem. But I don't want to just dispose of my last year of posts. I also considered setting up another account on Blogspot, making that account co-admin of this blog, then changing the URL and Blog Title, then deleting the Bippidee admin from admin. But either way means getting rid of Bippidee, and ridiculous as it sounds I am really reluctant to do that. It is what I have been known as in the Madosphere for the past year now. I have an identity linked to it. And I feel like changing the name will somehow make me lose that, and that is sad. I don't see how I can keep my blog going, even by exporting it to a difference account, without starting completely afresh, and that is the last thing I want to do.

I am so fucking angry. I actually cannot convey how upset I am about this whole thing. I feel stupid for saying that, because it is just a blog, but it has got me through so much, or at least the people who read it have, and it truly has been a lifeline this past year. And I have invested so many hours in it. And because of a fucking ridiculous printer, which I desperately want to go and smash up, I could lose all that, and that is just shit. I know I can tell people where I am going and start again, but that isn't the point. This is my home, and I have no option to leave it, but I can't leave behind all my posts because they represent the last year of my life, and a lot more actually. Why oh why did I think I needed to print a stupid bloody shopping list?? If I hadn't tried to do that then we wouldn't be in this situation. Or of course if I had a printer that printed what you told it to (and there is absolutely no doubt I told it to print the right thing) rather than just printing any random page you happen to have open at the time. I am feeling really upset.

I wish I could just trust my parents not to look at it, but I can't. I think if I explained I didn't want them to see then they might respect that wish now, but if it got to a point when they thought I was doing badly, and they knew there was somewhere I would have written about it, then I don't think they would be able to resist looking. If I thought someone I careed about, who had a history of suicidal attempts and hospitalisations for suicidal thoughts, might be suicidal and I had a way of checking that then I think I would, even if it was going against their wishes and invading their privacy, because I wouldn't forgive myself if they went on to do something and I hadn't looked. So whilst I would like to think they would respect my privacy and not look, I think that there would inevitably be occasions when they would, and I can understand that, which is why I need to remove temptation so that it isn't an option. But it is bloody hard to work out a way of doing that, without losing everything I have written in the last year - everything that has made my blog what it is. I am so upset.

13 comments:

  1. I don't know what to tell you except I am a regular reader of your blog and would miss it. :-(

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  2. Don't worry - I will keep writing somewhere. I just don't know where or how yet. But I will make sure that you know. x

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  3. This is really terrible =(

    Maybe you could just change the spelling of your username? People would be more likely to recognise you that way. Bippedee, Bipede, Beepeedee, Bippedie etc.

    Also, in relation to moving your blog to a new name but still have Bippidee written everywhere so it could be found through Google, on Wordpress you can block search engines. This is what I did when I changed username so if someone searches my old name, they don't get linked to my new blog (which I would see in my stats).

    This setting doesn't completely exclude you from search engines though. It will still list the homepage URL so people would be able to find you if they search your new username or URL. It would just block 'Bippidee' searches and general search terms.

    I hope this works itself alright x

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  4. So can you block a particular word from being searched for, rather than just blocking all searches? I am happy for people to be able to search for my blog, just not by googling Bippidee.

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  5. It'll block all searches apart from your new username and URL, so it will be more difficult for new people to find you, but it's something I suppose. You could use it as a temporary measure until your dad forgets without completely going private or password protected.

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  6. IF you do decide to move it to wordpress, you can - very easily - transfer all the posts you have ever written - published and unpublished - over to it.

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  7. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. I wish I could offer any advice but I can't - just lots of virtual hugs.

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  8. Why do you have to delete it?? To keep your posts just change the privacy so only you can read it, noone else and you can still read it xxx

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  9. I know I don't need to delete it and can transfer to WP - I did make it private for a while yesterday. But I don't want my blog history to be private - I want people to be able to read it if they want. At the moment I think I will transfer to WP, including all past updates, and then turn off searches for a while.

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  10. I was just going to echo AD really - you can have a WP that, for the most part, will block search engine visits. You could probably still post as Bippidee, though you'd (unfortunately) probably have to make the title and URL something different :(

    I think you have every right to be angry, and to feel upset at the possibility that you would lose your online persona. I don't think that's silly at all. I would be devastated.

    I don't know what to say, Bip. I'm just really, really sorry that you're having to go through this shit.

    Lots of love and hugs

    P x

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  11. Hun, maybe just mention to ur dad that you hope he doesnt go snooping through ur life....

    i hope you figure something out soon! what a horrible situation!

    xx

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  12. Hope you work something out. I had the same thing with my partner when he found out, but I had to accept he was going to carry on reading. I've got used to it, but it does mean I filter some of what I say.

    You could of course just password protect the odd post if you do head over to wp, so even if they do find the new blog at least you have a big more control over it.

    x

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