Hate

I hate myself. I hate myself for being lazy. I hate myself for being greedy. I hate myself for still being alive. I wish I had killed myself. I said about 2 weeks ago that I didn't want to be here for the new year, and the closer it gets the more strongly I wish that. I wish I had acted on those thoughts. I am weak and pathetic and a waste of space and I hate myself. I wish I could turn back time a couple of days and kill myself. There were too many bloody people around all the time, it was a nightmare, I would never have got away with it. But I still wish I had tried. I don't want to be here so much that it hurts.