Random thoughts

So there is good news and bad news...

The bad news is that I feel like a beached whale. My hip bones are buried somewhere under multiple layers of fat. This is clearly very distressing and upsets me muchly. I weigh a stone more than I did in the summer.

The good news is that I haven't actually gained any weight over Christmas. How this miracle has occurred I have no idea, as I have spent the last 3 days feeling sick non stop, and have eaten far more chocolates and crap than anyone should.

My grandad spent most of yesterday commenting on my 'lovely legs'. And eating mince pies. It was clearly not a good idea for me to wear a fairly short dress. Ah well, lesson learnt!

Getting increasingly tense about the whole New Year thing. I really really DON'T want it. I am desperately trying to think of ways to stop it from happening, which rather unfortunately is bound to be a fruitless pursuit given that is impossible and all. I don't like that I can't stop it. I don't like that I can't be in control of it.

It is still 8 days until I see L again. Stupid Christmas and New Year and stupid annual leave. This feels like a really long time to wait, especially given all the suicidal thoughts that I am having. I do have an appointment with Dr O on wednesday, but that seems pretty pointless really, as there is nothing she can do other than give me my meds. I want to see L. I want someone to talk to. Someone that I trust. And the only person I trust at the moment is L really.