tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post9007777482725963499..comments2023-10-02T11:11:57.034+01:00Comments on Bippidee: EatingBippideehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499124986641789890noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-82321709094372773822010-08-17T20:02:35.737+01:002010-08-17T20:02:35.737+01:00Thanks Cassie. I always feel slightly guilty for b...Thanks Cassie. I always feel slightly guilty for being pleased about it, but the pleased thoughts overwhelm the guilty.<br /><br />Thank you for your reply Anonymous. I know it leads to problems, and my metabolism is already completely messed up, as I have had disordered eating for about 7 years now. I have never had a very low BMI like yours was, but it is a constant battle with my weight, and a lot of weight yoyoing goes on within a couple of stone. I know why my eating is bad, I know what I want from it (control, when everything else feels so out of control), but knowing that doesn't seem to help. I am a singer, and I try to purge as little as possible because of damaging my voice, but even that isn't enough to stop me if I am really desperate. It is a hideous cycle to get into, and I wish I had never started messing around with my weight, but now I just gain if I eat a 'normal' diet, and I can't cope with that, particularly because I just don't know when it would stop - I don't know how much I would have to gain for my metabolism to sort itself out, but I gained a lot of weight late last year/early this year - about 25lbs, and was still gaining until I started to restrict. I feel pretty trapped by it now, and I do wish I had never started restricting or purging, but now I don't know how to stop. And it is partly a coping mechanism for my Depression, so I find that when I eat more healthily I self destruct in other ways, like self harming or taking small overdoses (not suicide attempts, or enough to go to hospital for - just enough to know that I am hurting myself), and that isn't much better. I am hoping that one day things will get better for me Depression wise, and then I will be able to tackle the eating, but as the eating has always been the coping mechanism and reaction to the Depression, rather than the main problem, I don't think anything will change eating wise as long as my mood is still so bad. Thank you very much for your reply, and sharing your story. xBippideehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10499124986641789890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-60894730434354091512010-08-17T16:10:46.499+01:002010-08-17T16:10:46.499+01:00I don't know whether or not this is a helpful ...I don't know whether or not this is a helpful thing to write as I have been there and done my time with bulimia and restricting, but it worries me how you are so young and the witholding food to one meal a day leads to so many problems when you are older because of the damage you do to your body's metabolism. I'm sure you know all this and I understand only too well how things like that don't matter just the number on the scales, but I am now approaching 45 yrs old and 20 stone, having spent most of my 20's fighting to remain at a bmi of 16. Please talk to a dietician, I would hate anyone else to end up locked in a body like mine.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-19513400560587465182010-08-17T11:58:11.673+01:002010-08-17T11:58:11.673+01:00I can relate to feeling pleased when you manage to...I can relate to feeling pleased when you manage to not eat. I had the same feeling today when I only had diet coke, half a pear and one cookie before dinner. Please be careful with the restriction though. And for what it's worth, you ARE worth more than a number.<br /><br />Take care,<br />Cassie xCassiehttp://willfindhope.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com