tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post2032197118411845136..comments2023-10-02T11:11:57.034+01:00Comments on Bippidee: Performing and weightBippideehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10499124986641789890noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-77021672687028662462010-10-30T16:30:22.451+01:002010-10-30T16:30:22.451+01:00I am definitely not too thin - I have a healthy BM...I am definitely not too thin - I have a healthy BMI (20.2), and can certainly afford to lose about 10lbs. I know that I did get a little on the thin side last year - I went down to a BMI of 17.5, which I know is underweight, but I didn't see it when I looked in the mirror. I know I will never be happy with my weight. But there are degrees of unhappiness, and right now it is fairly high. The trouble is, years of purging and restricting etc have left my metabolism a complete mess - to lose weight I have to eat under about 800kcals a day, occasionally 1000kcals if I am lucky, but I usually maintain on that. I find if I eat an amount that is considered 'normal' I just steadily gain weight.<br /><br />Ahhh, I love Tamara Rojo. All the RB principals are great actually. I love this clip of Alina Cojocaru. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5ARwxVGpO4<br /><br />xxxBippideehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10499124986641789890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-37146000625508244562010-10-30T04:23:39.111+01:002010-10-30T04:23:39.111+01:00okay--- this could have been me writing this 30 ye...okay--- this could have been me writing this 30 years ago, except I didn't purge. Believe me, I wanted to sometimes though and I would get so that I HATED MYSELF. I would go up and down the same 15 lbs. and sometimes a bit more... and it drove my bonkers... starve, stuff, starve, stuff..."Oh, I just won't eat tomorrow" ugh... It doesn't work and it just creates the opposite problem! weight gain! I know that we all have a "look" that we like to see in the mirror and we can gain half a lb. (I'm American, of course) and think that the entire world NOTICES---right? I've gained 5 lbs before and had ppl tell me that I'm looking quite thin. Like huh??? see, its all crap. 5 lbs is nothing. I believe that's your "stone"... okay. :)<br /><br />It took me a lonnnnnng time to really, really and except for pregnancy (when I gained 40 lbs with each kid) I've been much better. There is no magic bullet but moderation. every day. Don't let yourself get tooooo hungry or tooooo full and eat the foods you enjoy, not what you think you should be eating that doesn't satisfy you. Eventually, your body will want to eat what you need. Occasionally I feel like eating dessert for dinner... that's fine. Just no extremes It takes time, but eventually, you'll find your level and maybe it is a bit more than you are. I know... its scary and you feel that if you aren't losing, you MUST be gaining. right? Oh honey I do get it--- If you gain a small amount, eat just a bit less, but no starvation and if you don't lose weight, then you don't lose weight. That means that your body NEEDS that weight. <br /><br />I'm sure that you're already quite slender and maybe even too thin. Be honest. :) If everyone thinks you've got some screws loose (hun, we all do) ;) when you tell them you want to lose 5 lbs, believe them...lol<br /><br />Now, your presie.<br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMXfjFQDqC0<br /><br />She doesn't have the lyrical artistry of Svet,(in my opinion) but boy oh boy--- A dancer's dancer, sick, sick, sick technique-- Enjoy! xoxoLexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15213559319252118335noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-80504128709487587342010-10-30T00:22:11.915+01:002010-10-30T00:22:11.915+01:00She is a beautiful dancer. I had heard of her obvi...She is a beautiful dancer. I had heard of her obviously, but never actually seen her dance before - just watched her Black Swan, with Roberto Bolle (am rather fond of him too actually... got in a lift with him once in Covent Garden - he looked just as good up close!). She really does have gorgeous feet - like I said, I thought mine were good, but hers are incredible! And her Kitri is beautiful - those extensions are just insane!<br /><br />I think most people with a dance background probably have different ideas about weight than other people, simmply because you get used to the pressure (even if just internal from standing in front of a mirror in leotard and tights) surrounding weight, and therefore behaviours that other people might see as a little odd are probably normalised a lot - I think weighing yourself is one of those. I do usually weigh myself twice a day, which isn't great, as it is a little obsessive, but I have had an eating disorder for 7 years, and it is hard to stop. I am not much good at the moderated eating thing either - I tend to flip between eating what I want (and purging sometimes), and gain weight, or restricting and quite severely limiting my intake, and losing weight. I am not great at just being moderate. Sometimes I do an ok job of it and eat relatively normally, but as I always want to lose weight I tend to end up trying to restrict before long, as I just feel too awful if I don't feel like I am trying to lose weight.<br /><br />xxxBippideehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10499124986641789890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-90963899563098436752010-10-29T23:53:41.484+01:002010-10-29T23:53:41.484+01:00Hi Bippidee,
Thank you for your sweet comments on...Hi Bippidee,<br /><br />Thank you for your sweet comments on my blog. Yeah, that's my Svetlana (Zhakarova)sicko freaktastic ballerina alter ego... ahhh... Youtube her the next time you feel down... She's just beyond glorious. <br /><br />I am a former ballet dancer/ musical chorine/ show girl/ movie extra/industrial film-show/commercial P&G "Lysol Mom" in a little plaid shirt. LOL I did whatever I could get my lil ol mits on and I gave it all up when I turned 30 and couldn't take the BS any longer. (I'm 54 now---I know, its hard for me to believe it too!)I went back to college at 32 and became an interior designer. Found my way back to ballet at 42 (through my son's karate class! cool!) and let me tell you honey... I love it even more now... as long as the ol bod holds up. haha!!!<br /><br />What's wrong with weighing yourself every day? I do. I'm ever amazed at gaining weight when I'm trying to lose a couple and losing weight when I'm not trying. I find that eating just about the same amount every day, works best for me. No starving and no pigging out, but the starving made me WANT to pig out, because I was STARVING... well duhhhh... I could never be anorexic.<br /><br />I understand everything you are going through though... very tough biz with its ups and downs. Eponine, Wow! Love that part!!! You sound super talented!!! <br /><br />xo, LexieLexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15213559319252118335noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-26532931481019566532010-10-29T16:18:05.275+01:002010-10-29T16:18:05.275+01:00Thank you all for the comments. NOS, I played Epon...Thank you all for the comments. NOS, I played Eponine in Les Miserables. I have done extra work in a couple of films. They were big films, so you may have seen them. Extra work is fairly tedious though! There are a couple of shows I am considering auditioning for - both have auditions next month but aren't on until next Spring.<br /><br />Clarissa, I have had quite a lot of help for mental health stuff - I have been under various CMHTs for over 6 years now. Mostly that has been under CPNs etc, but I saw a Psychologist for the first year, which was primarily Complete Bollocks Therapy for my ED (not a CBT fan....), as that was before the Depression had got as bad. Then had a couple of hospital admissions, one of which was in a private hospital via insurance, so had a fair bit of therapy then. Did see another Psychologist but she was useless. Did an art therapy group for about 18 months, but that wasn't my thing really. Apart from that it has all been CPNs/Social Workers/OTs. My current CPN is brilliant, but obviously that isn't proper therapy. I am meant to be starting CAT soon - DBT is obviously what is recommended, but doesn't exist in my area.<br /><br />I don't really know how I feel about dance. It doesn't lift my mood, but it does sometimes distract me slightly I think. I wrote a post about it a little while ago. It is years since I have done a West End audition - must be at least 4 years ago, possibly longer. The audition I mentioned in this post was back in 2002, when I was 16, so 8 years ago now. I did a few after that, but I couldn't do it now. I just wouldn't have the confidence. Or the motivation actually. I haven't even been to drama school and trained - I haven't been well enough (several posts on that!) I have just been doing amateur stuff locally.<br /><br />xxxBippideehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10499124986641789890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-71048179176832949452010-10-29T13:52:56.189+01:002010-10-29T13:52:56.189+01:00I feel a bit of a prat reading your post because h...I feel a bit of a prat reading your post because had I known you are a performer I would have read your blog more often. I'm from the Classical side of music and can relate to what you say about performing and employment gaps very readily. I also have serious issues with eating, but in my case it is binge eating that is the problem, and an obsession with food.<br /><br />I'm in therapy at the moment so am all at sea emotionally. Performing is very hard within mental illness, especially because we all know how image obsession is a driving force in the profession and that there is little support for mental illness in "Luvvie Land". All shades of wrong since there are so many mentalists within the profession.<br /><br />My rule of thumb is to keep performing little and often, so that intimidation doesn't set in.<br /><br />As per eating disorder: this is tricky, because the fear of being even a little overweight is encouraged by the obsession with thinness rife in the profession. <br /><br />But, I changed the language I use for myself a while ago because I asked a number of people what they expected to see in a theatre. In terms of look, the over-riding descriptor was agility and litheness. In my book, a lithe dancer, singer or actress is not thin: she is lean, and strong - but not overly muscled, or manly. But as a guide, I think back to performers like Gene Kelly, and Kurt Douglass. Kelly was a lean, compact guy, who danced tight. Douglass was more rangey but was still very strong from his circus days. Notice I haven't used any female performers: that's because they were often riddled with anorexia, drugs and alcohol - their thinness leading to fainting on and off set. Ute Lemper being one such modern example. <br /><br />But it isn't easy to change the dialogue you have in your head about weight, since the need to perform sets up an atmosphere that promotes anxiety in general - which in my case fuels insecurities.<br /><br />I haven't figured out whether you have had therapy for ED / other mentalisms including suicidal thought: perhaps this might help. I think it is really important that you dance: does this lift your mood? - it seems to encourage you to perform more... How I wish I had that hunger at the moment! And you did a West End audition not that long ago? I haven't auditioned for anything for ages, so you have my respect for just going and getting a slot!<br /><br />Big hugs and looking forward to reading more about you,<br /><br />Be safe,<br /><br />Clarissa XClarissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06368093571011247421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-80339482389387772012010-10-29T03:15:27.806+01:002010-10-29T03:15:27.806+01:00Firstly, I. LOVE. LES MISERABLES. It's my fav...Firstly, I. LOVE. LES MISERABLES. It's my favorite musical EVER! What part did you play? Also, it's really cool that you were an extra in a film. Anything I've seen? (You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.)<br /><br />Are you planning to try out for any other plays/shows this year? It sounds like Carousel was a good experience, so maybe more things like that will lift your mood a bit.<br /><br />I can relate to a lot of what you said about weight. I know what you mean when you say not weighing is not an option. I wish we weren't slaves to those numbers, you know?<br /><br />Take care.<br /><br />Wishing you well,<br />NOSAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-27013762863476697052010-10-28T09:56:49.970+01:002010-10-28T09:56:49.970+01:00I always got a post-performance low too. It can be...I always got a post-performance low too. It can be really hard to deal with. I think it is positive that you are trying to perform again. I think you are underestimating how much you have got out of the performances. The way you write about it, I really think you have cared about it and enjoyed it more than you think you have. Even when you think you haven't enjoyed it and have been exhausted and frustrated, you have written about it a great deal and with passion. That should tell you something. If you truly didn't care, you would barely mention it.<br /><br />Sometimes the recognition of this lags behind, but you are doing well. Keep at it.<br /><br />xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2445354648404556157.post-85263166504757710152010-10-28T03:42:46.159+01:002010-10-28T03:42:46.159+01:00*hugs*
Do you *have* to weigh yourself?*hugs*<br />Do you *have* to weigh yourself?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com